


Ineffable Professors

by kbaycolt



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Aziraphale and Crowley are professors, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mentions of Beelzebub, Mentions of Newton Pulsifer, Various fuck-ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 12:44:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19791154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbaycolt/pseuds/kbaycolt
Summary: After noticing all the blatant pining, the classes of Mr. Fell and Dr. Crowley join forces to set up their respective teachers.





	Ineffable Professors

It seemed to be common knowledge that Dr. Crowley was every student's favorite professor.

He always strolled a little bit late, he held his classes in the greenhouse instead of in a classroom, and he managed to incorporate real life into his theology lessons. His open discussions were vivid and engaging. His demonstrations involved everyone in the class. He also talked about his own social life, which made him closer to his students.

Everyone loved him.

In contrast, Mr. Fell down the hall was less liked. He was a bit more closed-off, more focused on the literature than engaging with the students, and could be quite snippy when people tried to check out his books. He never mentioned anything about his life outside of the college, which led students to believe he was probably just lonely.

This was why everyone thought it was a bit of a weird match to see Dr. Crowley and Mr. Fell casually flirting in the hallway one day.

Adam Young and his friends were walking to Mr. Fell's class when Wensleydale dropped his books, so they all halted to let him pick them up. As they were standing there, they watched as Mr. Fell stepped out of his classroom and started talking to Dr. Crowley.

This wasn't odd in itself. However, when Crowley leaned a bit closer, and Fell blushed pink, Adam and his friends exchanged a mutual glance that said everything they didn't need to verbalize.

When the two professors went their separate ways, the path cleared to reveal another group of students on the other side, also obviously watching the scene.

"Did you...?" Adam trailed off, gesturing vaguely at where the teachers were just flirting.

"Yeah," said a girl in the front. "They've been doing that for a month now. We're all waiting for them to get together."

"Think maybe we should help them?" Pepper suggested.

And so the Plan was born.

The Plan consisted of both Mr. Fell and Dr. Crowley's classes holding meetings where they discussed how best to hook up their teachers. All the pining and flirting was going to come to a head, one way or another. First, they arranged for Mr. Fell to lose a book and have it miraculously turn up in the greenhouse, where Dr. Crowley taught.

From behind some bushes, Adam and the girl from the other class, Kayla, watched as Mr. Fell walked up to the greenhouse. Before he stepped inside, Dr. Crowley greeted him at the entrance. Adam and Kayla strained to listen.

"Ah, thank you," Mr. Fell said, accepting the book from Dr. Crowley.

"Not a problem. Makes you wonder how it ended up all the way over here, huh?"

"Yes, quite peculiar. Give me a call if another book somehow finds its way back to you, alright?"

"Always. See you tomorrow, angel."

Kayla clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a shriek. "Angel," she whispered loudly. "He called him angel!"

"It's working," Adam said, grinning.

* * *

Next time, both classes informed their respective professors that there was a new restaurant opening down the road, and that the meals were discounted if you brought a plus one.

Much to their delight, Dr. Crowley approached Mr. Fell after class and suggested they go have lunch the next day.

"Yes," Pepper cheered softly from where she was crouching around the corner.

* * *

One of Mr. Fell's lectures just so happened to include stuff about the angelic hierarchy, which obviously required Dr. Crowley's expertise. Every time Dr. Crowley spoke, he brushed against Mr. Fell, so many times that it was no longer an accident.

The two classes barely contained their excitement.

"And, at the very top of the theoretical power structure are the seraphim," Dr. Crowley continued. He reached over and took Mr. Fell's hand in his own to grab a pen, but the brief contact made the joined classes burst into hushed whispers.

"Thank you for that very interesting discussion," Mr. Fell said sincerely at the end of class.

Right before Dr. Crowley left, the two teachers smiled and winked at each other.

Pepper silenced Brian before he could yelp.

* * *

When Christmas rolled around, Dr. Crowley and Mr. Fell coincidentally drew each other for the teachers' Secret Santa. Both classes eagerly tried to help their teachers search for an appropriate gift, and when the day came, they were all brimming with excitement.

Dr. Crowley walked into class that morning to find a small flowering plant sitting in the greenhouse, with a single blue ribbon tied around the pot. The tag on it read: _Merry Christmas, my dear._

The whole class cooed at the gift.

Meanwhile, Mr. Fell found a stack of ancient prophecy books on his desk, tagged with the message: _Angel- Happy Holidays. The Ritz tonight?_

"Oh, this is so lovely," Mr. Fell said, tucking the note into his pocket.

"Are you going to accept?" Adam hesitantly asked. Everyone held their breath.

"Well, why would I decline? Now, back to Oscar Wilde..."

* * *

One chilly winter day, it had snowed the night before, so the college grounds were dusted with white flakes. Kayla and her friends from Dr. Crowley's class were walking inside when they noticed the two teachers strolling the walkway together, bundled up in their winter coats. The students ducked behind an awning to watch.

"I hate snow," Dr. Crowley grumbled.

"Oh," Mr. Fell tsked, reaching up to properly tie a scarf around Dr. Crowley's shoulders. "I think it's pretty."

"I'm cold."

Fell wrapped his fingers around Crowley's collar and brought him down for a brief, chaste kiss. "There. Still cold?"

"N-No," Crowley spluttered. His face burned red and it wasn't from the temperature.

"Then onto class, shall we?"

"Right, yeah. Lead the way."

As soon as they were gone, Kayla glanced back to find all of her friends gaping in shock.

* * *

In the next meeting, Kayla and her friends shrieked simultaneously, "THEY KISSED!"

The two classes exploded into raucous cheers.

* * *

The next kiss was much more memorable.

Adam was walking to his car after his classes. He unlocked the car, hopped inside, and was about to drive off, when he noticed Dr. Crowley's car a few parking spaces away. He knew it was his teacher's because Dr. Crowley never stopped talking about his vintage Bentley.

Planning on just waving a bit, Adam looked over at the Bentley and slightly raised his hand, but stopped short.

In the back seat, Dr. Crowley and Mr. Fell were shrouded in darkness, but it was easy to see what was happening. They were kissing passionately, tugging off scarves and coats and-

Adam drove off before he saw anything he didn't want to.

* * *

The Plan had worked splendidly. The two classes had successfully gotten Mr. Fell and Dr. Crowley together, and were satisfied with the outcome.

However, one day, Dr. Crowley was searching for something in his desk, muttering to himself. Finally, he popped back up with a relieved sigh.

"Oh, good, I didn't lose it," he said, slipping a golden band onto his finger.

"What is that?" one student asked.

"My wedding ring. My partner would be heartbroken if I misplaced it."

Dead silence. Every single student at the same time had the same thought running through their minds: _DR. CROWLEY IS MARRIED._

That same day, Mr. Fell was talking about his own collection of expensive literature when he offhandedly said, "my husband".

The normally-talkative class went quiet at that.

Pepper and Adam stared at each other in horror.

An emergency meeting was called that night, in which both classes collectively freaked out because _we set up two married men and now they're both cheating on their spouses and it's our fault oh my fucking god-_

They all decided they needed to rectify their mistake with a new plan. They were so ashamed they didn't even use a capital P.

Now, their goal was break up their teachers, but they had no idea how to go about doing that. They barely knew anything about Mr. Fell's private life, and Dr. Crowley was quick to deflect anything about their relationship, so that road was leading nowhere.

Then, one day, Dr. Crowley casually mentioned that his partner worked at the very same college.

Both classes began to desperately search for Dr. Crowley's partner, knowing the only way they could fix this is if they told their teachers' respective spouses that the teachers were cheating.

This was the students' mistake, and now they had to make things right.

* * *

"It's a survey for one of my classes," Adam lied to Mr. Gabriel. "We're trying to figure out the ratio of married professors versus unmarried."

"Oh, well, I'm not exactly married, but I am seeing someone." Mr. Gabriel chuckled awkwardly a bit. "Her name is Bee, I don't know if you need that."

"Every piece of information counts. Thank you, Mr. Gabriel."

* * *

"Married?" Ms. Device spluttered, eyes wide behind her glasses. "Oh, no, I'm not married. I don't think I could do that much commitment."

"Okay. Thank you for your time," Kayla said.

"I am dating someone though," Ms. Device blurted. Biting her lip, and, as if deciding she'd already spilled enough, she continued, "his name is Newton, he's very sweet. I think he'd be a good teacher here, actually."

"Thanks, Ms. Device."

* * *

After a week of hopelessly interviewing every teacher they could think of, both classes were at a loss. No one could find Dr. Crowley's spouse, and they were no closer to reversing the results of the original Plan.

"At least we gathered a lot of gossip," Kayla said miserably, dropping her clipboard on the floor.

"We just need to tell them," Adam said firmly. "We got them together, we need to tell them that it's not right to cheat. It's our responsibility."

"They might not even listen," Pepper said.

"They need to. We'll figure out the right time to tell them, until then, try not to encourage anything else."

* * *

It seemed the two classes were in luck, because the very next week, Mr. Fell and Dr. Crowley held a joint-class lecture where they would teach together for a whole class period.

This was the opportune moment.

As the teachers talked, they bumped shoulders and touched hands and smiled warmly at each other, and all of it made the students feel immensely guilty.

Finally, towards the end, Mr. Fell fished something out from under the desk. It was another plant, but this one had bright pink flowers and winding vines that crept down the side of the pot. It was beautiful. There was another tag attached to it, and though the classes couldn't see the words, they could clearly see the heart and pair of wings painted onto the pot.

Blushing, Dr. Crowley graciously accepted the gift. The two teachers moved closer, like they were moments from kissing, when Adam abruptly stood up.

"I'm sorry," Adam said loudly, and as he spoke, Kayla stood up too. "But we can't let you keep doing this. We tried to get you together, but then we found out you were married. It isn't right! You can't cheat on your spouses like this, we can't let you."

Dr. Crowley and Mr. Fell stared at the classes for a long moment, then at each other.

Suddenly, Dr. Crowley tipped back his head and started laughing. Mr. Fell chuckled. The students frowned.

"Oh, oh my god," Dr. Crowley gasped, setting a hand on his chest. "Zira, they think we're cheating. Dear Lord."

"Aren't you?" Pepper asked.

"No, of course not," Mr. Fell dismissed. He gripped Dr. Crowley's hand, smiling. "We're married, Pepper. Who did you think I meant when I said 'my husband'?"

"This is an anniversary gift," Dr. Crowley explained further, gesturing at the plant. "We've been married for six years."

Silence.

Adam dropped back into his seat, bewildered.

"We're idiots," Kayla cried. "All of us."

"I think this is all rather amusing, actually," Mr. Fell said. He smirked. "We'll be sure to tell this story to future classes."

The two classes collectively groaned.

* * *

Here's a secret: though Crowley and Aziraphale pretended to have no knowledge of the Plan, they did, in fact, know everything. They purposefully dropped 'my partner' and 'my husband' on the same day, and made sure to get Gabriel and Anathema in on the ruse too. The affection was genuine, but all of the little scenarios were staged to encourage the rumors.

Here's another secret: They've been doing this for several years.


End file.
